The Day a Good Man entered a Den of Thieves …

November 4, 2012 § Leave a comment

It is said every man has his weakness, and that friends and foes alike look for what that is weakness in order to plug it or exploit it.

In the Kyambogo University, press-played drama, Prof. Ndiege’s relevant weakness emerges as his dismissive astuteness; rightfully so I must add! Any objective person who’s been following this fiasco by piecing together the tidbits of information will certainly come to the conclusion that Prof. Ndiege paid a price for deciding to do the right thing by foraging into enclaves of wrong things. He had no choice! Prof. Ndiege, it is clear, walked into a mafiosos’ den, as that it seems is what Kyambogo University has become. From the lines we’ve read in the press, it is clear that there is a well-wound web of thievery under the orchestration by top KU administration. Next, there is a structure of condoned incompetence which accords lecturers who desire such, a laissez affaire environment. It seems that these two emerging pictures is the unspoken contract between the thieving top brass and the incompetence staff.

The charges against Prof. Ndiege are hard to wrap around the mind. For instance: “He is rude … he usurped other’s powers”. This missing cardinal charge – typical of Uganda – stealing funds is missing! As the principal accounting officer of KU, it is sensibly within his right to probe deep if he thought anything was wrong. This he did by dipping his nose into the finance department. He also dipped his nose into the academic issues. What he found was a University in the state of what a university NOT should be! Of course as a newbie, it’s reasonable to assume he did not know how deep the rabbit hole ran. He had to keep his cards close to his chest as he planned the next move; a move which ultimately would result in dismissal and incrimination of many. But the mafioso, like they usually do, beat him to the game.

What’s very disappointing in all these is the failure, or intended reluctance, by government to investigate Prof. Ndiege’s claims in the same way they’ve “investigated” the charges against him.

Isn’t it odd that the Guild President, whose constituency is the largest at KU, is supportive of Prof. Ndiege???

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Dear. Prof. Mamdani

March 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

For starters, this may not be the way you want to be asked to put in your application for the post of VC of Makerere University; even more because the profile of this writer, and his works, read like the description of a brilliant whack-job. If that’s the case, my sincere apologies for that Professor, but I just have my own rough-edge way of doing the right thing. Of course I will be kicking myself in the butt if this ends up jeopardizing your silent moves, if any, to out-manoeuvre the unworthy professors presently slugging out in public for the top job at MAK. I swear I will step into the light, own up and plead with the powers that be that I was one that muddied up the waters for you.

Am mellowed by your distinguished academic trail. Now as someone who worships knowledge and thinks he is among the top echelon of the most enlightened in the banana republic, I usually don’t bow or acknowledge other’s academic feats that easy. Sometimes am wrong and sometimes am right and that’s the important thing. Makerere the way I look at it lacks a solid academic philosophy. It therefore baffles, alarms and annoys me that they dole out Doctorates of Philosophy in the first place! This is not surprising if one takes a critical look at the vast numbers of dons whose grey matter seem to be more excited by money and putting on airs! Dr. this … professor that … that sort of crap! I’ve walked the hallways of some the world’s top universities and am struck by how simple and down-to-earth those award winning and patent holding professors carry themselves. I particularly remember one who whose favourite wardrobe was denim and t-shirts … spoke as humbly as a street beggar yet decision makers sought a piece of his mind quite often!

Academics is not field one goes into if they want enrich themselves to the status of Lexus-driving elite. Rather it’s space for those whose minds simply won’t stop vibrating because of words such as: Why, How, What, When … As you can see, those musing have no direct relationship with a fat bank account. What’s worse, it also deprives one the opportunity to be wowed by the young puerile girls who straddle our university campuses. If in doubt, ask “Prof”. Barya, who unfortunately fell short, when he ended up taking one such hottie back for a tryst.

So last night, I got a eureka moment … out of the blue it the rammed into my head that PROF. MAHMOUD MAMDANI IS JUST THE PERFECT CANDIDATE THE JOB OF VC. I am still wondering why such an idea hasn’t come out yet in the public domain; well until now that is. You got all the qualifications … maybe the only questionable one would be your desire for the job actually. And if you say that’s the simple reason, I would be left scratching my head about why you came back to teach at MAK when Columbia and a host of other Ivy league colleagues have got the red carpet rolled out for you. Prof. you may not see it but you love this run down ivory tower. And that’s a beautiful coincidence because MAK needs you more. So wake tomorrow morning, brush your teeth and go to the powers that be and say you want to be MAK VC … you don’t even to carry your CV because you reputation precedes you. What’s more, no one is qualified enough to interview you … so if we are to be reasonable, MAK should spare tax-payers money and skip the interviews for VC, if there are any! I hope to see you whacking some solid academic philosophy back into Makerere … I wish you the best … don’t break my heart Prof.

Letter to Odonga Otto, MP Aruu County

March 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

Dear Odonga Otto,

I’ve been left immensely disappointed and bemused by your recent showboating. Impeach Museveni??? Are you dreaming that you are in a telenovela??? Did you just regain sanity of recent? Now just in case you are thinking am one of those yellow brigade lunatics, let me make it clear that I’ve never been a Museveni fan or NRM supporter. Actually am quite amused by that lot’s lack of solid positive ideology; I keep wondering how any self-respecting man or woman can join such a decrepit organization. But I guess am trying to philosophy a very simple thing because it is all the clear that NRM subscribership is motivated by money and other rewards.

Now getting back to you Mr. Otto; mind you am deliberately ignoring the word ‘honorable‘. So out of the blue you want to impeach Museveni for his 25 plus years of mismanaging Uganda. If you had made this move when you first joined Parliament, you bet I would be rooting for you. I find the timing of this grand-staging of yours quite dubious. Just a few weeks ago, Ugandans were seething with anger again, because you Mr. Otto, and your bunch decided it was all SO RIGHT to receive 100 million shillings from government coffers to buy yourselves LUXURY VEHICLES. At a time when teachers were beating pans and pregnant mothers were dying in our derelict hospitals and NODDING DISEASE WAS MAKING AN ENTRANCE AT YOUR DOORSTEP. You Mr. Otto, is said to have threatened aggression if the money was not given to you ASAP! MPs are among the top 1% of the best enumerated working Ugandans. Now given the horrific jams I see in Kampala every day, I get the feeling that even Ugandans who don’t rake in much money every month can afford to buy their own cars. How is it that someone who earns 15 million shillings a month needs tax payers to give them over 100 million to buy luxury SUVs??? Does it make sense to you Mr. Otto??? Does it???

Given the public outcry and the probably resulting guilt of conscience that you and your fellow MPs felt, is it thus unreasonable to ASSUME THAT THIS ‘PATRIOTIC’ MOVE TO IMPEACH M7 IS JUST A WELL ORCHESTRATED SHOWBOAT TO DEFLECT PUBLIC ATTENTION FROM YOUR RED-BABOON ASSES??? I think this is the real truth Mr. Otto!

For too long MPs has been a huge disappointment to Ugandans. I don’t have to mention the several times you’ve fallen short of the title of ‘Honorable’. But when you try to spin yourselves out of the dirt you MPs are feeding Ugandans, you add insult to injury. Stop assuming we are all dummies who can’t see through your gimmicks. So to end this, I urge you Mr. Otto to go and buy that SUV and drive it to Aruu County and hope nodding disease will halt in its tracks when you park that guzzler.

Aluta continua…

Thank you My Readers …

August 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

Nine posts later and my blog just passed the 1,000 readership mark … thanks a lot guys …

And most of all, keep locked in 😉 … I will keep the words coming steady.

I wish all Ladies were Nymphos …

August 12, 2011 § 4 Comments

How many men in here can say that 99% of the times they’ve had sex, it is the woman who initiated the action??? Hands up!!! Ummm, and the count is zero!!! Okay let’s make that 50% … still no hands! Rather absurd statistics if we are to believe anything the numerous sexperts tell us; that women equally love and crave for sex. So what prompt’s this idle musing of mine? I read an article in a UK daily, about a woman whose sex addiction would manifest in form of violence, probably if she didn’t get enough of a groin thumping. Now I certainly could do with such a woman because if I can remember, of all the times I have had sex in this short life of mine, I’ve had to virtually submit a written proposal for each tryst. Looks am not alone in this grey zone of amorous affection. Some time back, a married buddy told me that I will literally get down on my knees the day my wife (when I marry) refuses to open sesame. Haven’t been there yet but I already believe him.

So what is it with women and their apparent reluctance to share the responsibility, for once in a while, initiating the act we all supposedly love? Is it true that women who would consider being assertive sexually are drawn back by the possibility of being labeled nymphos??? In any case, I doubt many husbands and boyfriends would mind keeping the “secret”, if need be, that he’s got a nympho for a woman! Women, trust me that most men would be envious of a beer-buddy who says he doesn’t have to hustle and groan for a session in the bedroom. His mates would probably ask him if his woman has got sisters. The way I see it, when I woman decides to take a relationship to the “next level”, the two-way condiments of love should also be wholly extrapolated to that next level. Speaking as man, a relationship on the next level means that I don’t have to wonder where the next romp will come from and, when it will come. This however doesn’t seem to be the case because from personal experience, a man in a serious relationship can be in a state sex famine as the unattached roving bachelors in town! This is a big joke on the men who brave the relationship quagmire. Relationship experts say women want a “relationship and security”. Rarely do you hear them talk about what men want in the deal. But what we men want is the simple part of the deal, and our demands auger well with the ultimate essence of coupling up; sex, which at one point leads to babies. You see, I think that it was probably the most ingenious part of “intelligent design” that procreation was intimately attached to the thing men supposedly crave more than women: sex! Imagine that sex was as tiring as … let me see what …ummm … ploughing a garden with a mad ox all day, would the world’s population be 6 billion, and growing, today??? Would you, reading this article, probably be around??? I don’t think so.

Women may say physiological conditions normally deter them from romping as frequently as their men would want. To do a little math on that, let’s put one week each month for the menstrual period. That leaves another incredible three weeks! This over 75% of the time! So if your man wants to climb the “two mountains” 99% of the time, your 75% availability means that if you are willing and serious about sex in the relationship, you can chip in 50% of the time so that your fella’s workload can be reduced to 50%! Now many women will probably come out yell that they’ve got to work or study, besides taking care of the home (if she has already moved in), I will concede and drop another 5%. That still leaves a handsome 45% on your plate.

So as I end this, I will send out a plea to the ladies, on behalf of the lads, known and unknown to me, that: LADIES, YOU LOSE NOTHING IF YOU CALL YOUR MAN AT LUNCH HOUR AND SAY YOU WANT TO FUCK! I even harbor a theory that such proactive feminine sexuality is extra glue to a relationship. The adage that the way to a man’s heart is through his tummy is irrelevant in this era where sex sells!!!

The Sexual Dilemma of the Modern Kampala Woman

August 2, 2011 § 7 Comments

“Corporate” is a word on the lips of every Kampalan who wants to appear intellectually suave these days! Not only is the word so misused, I think it is a word heavily masturbated with! How about that for an introduction???

Now let’s get on with the point of today’s post: The modern Kampala woman! Or as they prefer to be called, “corporate” babes/women/chics … whatever! Certainly there are many facets about being a corporate woman in this dusty city. However I will only be delving into a phenomenon which I call the sexual dilemma of these women.  Sometime back, I read an article in a local newspaper that corporate women consider themselves sexually liberated a notch higher, than the conventional Kampala woman: who mildly flaunts her attributes but maintains a strict code of socially acceptable sexual behavior. Certainly, if and when we all hold microscopes and scan the socio-sexual realities of our inner circles, we see that socially acceptable sexual behavior is a myth: we know it! But as long as it stays stashed away in the closets of our social psyche, we are good.

So here comes in the sexually liberated corporate woman. She is financially independent: very true. She is bold: not sure about that. And the yes, she says she can have sex with as many men as she pleases. As a man, at first this appears as pretty revolting, but wait a minute; the idea sounds like music to bachelors experiencing a prime of testosterone! These women make passes at men they want and most of the time they get their catch. The unspoken agreement of such relationships is: am not in for a relationship. And certainly a guy who wants to quench an erection will say: be my guest!

After updating my knowledge of Kampala woman to version “Corporate”, I decided to embark on an experiment to measure the degree of sexual boldness of the modern Kampala woman. My working hypothesis was that these women are walking an illusion because deep down they are still conservative because the cultures they subscribe to demand that of them. So what did I really do? I approached one after the other; each time expressing my intention to have sex them. I made it clear all I wanted was sex; nothing more, nothing less. So the first one, a 33 year old, replied that she was up for it. Then I upped the pre-sex rhetoric. I told her I wanted to fuck her insane. I had substituted the word sex with fuck. Not so cool, for she apparently coiled but and told me I was probably not her match. I smiled in contention as replied her text message. Then I went on the second one, a lady at campus who confessed she was in for the money only. I said cool. So I sent her a barrage of sms’es telling her how I badly wanted to fuck her. She replied: whose daughter do you think I am? The magic word once again was replacing the word sex with fuck. Then I went on to the third one. From our initial conversation, I figured out she was a woman looking for sexual adventure outside her marriage. Once again I upped the erotic mumbo-jumbo and after about two days, she had changed her mind because I seemed sexually very uncouth! So I went on to woman number four. Gave her the same story: no-strings-attached sex. She said she hadn’t been there in a while (interpreted as screwing a younger man) but she was cool with the idea. So I asked how she preferred to be fucked. Then came the reply I was now familiar with. I don’t think we are compatible! Yes that answer. So I decided to test, a now evolving theory, that these sexually “liberated” women were stuck between sexual conservatism and total liberalization; by toning down the rhetoric.  I apologized if I had said anything offensive and pleaded for another chance. Her answer: okay, we are on again!

I have more similar stories but for the sake opening up the debate and keeping this posting short, I will conclude my abstract on this interesting topic. So in summary, modern Kampala women are out to get as much sex as they want and they will make the initial steps to get it. But they still want to be looked at as women and not sex objects! Generally, when she gets to realize that her advances are more than welcome and the man is willing to fuck, as opposed to having sex, then she coils back! There falls the “corporate blinds”!

Africa is a like a containment kraal for the vestiges of the human evolution story.

April 30, 2011 § 2 Comments

In the last two or three years, I have been wondering, occasionally that is, why a lot of pain and suffering in Africa almost goes unnoticed by the rest of the world. Some readers will say: that’s a no-brainer, because Africa is just a business and political pawn to the rest of the world; and the pieces are set just perfectly in their quest for checkmate. I agree; even to the no-brainer part. But I also know that when the collective conscious of statehood is lifted, each and every individual who plays the political chess game, with Africa as a mere sacrificial pawn, wonders about the suffering of the African people and certainly feels compassion towards them. It’s called the humanity in all of us! That’s the way God/Allah made us. You can’t run from it unless you are psychopath.

So, if the players of this chess game are humans with humanity, then you have to wonder why no world power will call an African leader to order when he starts raping the civil rights and coffers of his fellow countrymen. As far I know, if the US or UK or EU or even the already emerged Asian tiger, China – not that they care less about human rights – , wish, they can call an errant African leader to order and he would certainly fall into line; else his tiny-weenie life gets on the line. Who does not know about the geographic precision of a Tomahawk missile? Simply assuring Mr. Mugabe, for instance, that the coordinates of his State mansions and private property have all been pre-programmed onto the computers of a couple Tomahawks would eliminate any illusions he has about being untouchable (unbwoggable in East Africa); or even the occasional belief in his immortality. You don’t have to be in Zimbabwe to know that Mugabe’s ogre-like brutality has unleashed lots of terror in that once breadbasket in Southern Africa. Likewise, you don’t have to know more than the definition of the word “democracy” and it’s relation to the pragmatic logic of “term limits” to know that Museveni (Uganda), Biya (Cameroun), Jameh (Gambia) and many more are doing more harm than good by sinking their teeth deeper into the pantry of state power. I believe just a growl from a world power would make these African tyrants fumble to order. Some of you will say: where does that leave the sovereignty of these banana republics? My answer: would an everyday African, whiplashed by his fellow African (President) choose sovereignty over good governance which translates to respect for civil liberty and opportunity? Certainly not me!

So then why is the rest of the world impassive to the self afflicted sufferings of the Dark Continent? The answer lies within the question: Africa is a Dark Continent comprised of “dark” humans. “It’s a jungle out there“, is a common phrase you here in the Western world! The situation is comparable to the lives of the beasts in the breathtaking savannas of the continents; animal law of birth, survival and ultimately death – however savage and revolting it is! A beautiful natural story of nature.

So this is how I look at it: Africa is a kraal, manned by our own Presidents, to confine the “uncivilized vestiges” of human evolution away from the rest of the world. This is the apparent silent agreement that the West has with our oppressor leaders. In the deal room, it may sound like this:

You can do whatever you want with your people but give me what I want (named resources), and make sure those animals don’t flood into our spaces. Occasionally for PR purposes, I may call you to book and give escapees of your brutality asylum. But don’t mind; it’s business.”

The West is certainly not to blame because for the inhumanity of our leaders. It probably astounds them that African leaders can be alarmingly pathologically indifferent to the sufferings of their own kind. Some suppressed theories they habour about the comparatively higher quotient of homo-sapien savagery of Africans maybe warrant more acknowledgement perhaps.

As I wind this up, I throw this to the everyday African. It’s upon us to clean up our house because our internal suffering is quite strategically beneficial, and amusing, to the on-lookers standing outside the aquarium. The power of the presidency should be demystified and the army should be repositioned to look at our detractors outside the aquarium instead of test-firing foreign made weaponry onto their own folk. If we do that, then the rest world can honestly believe we are just as good as they are.

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